Disclaimer: if this article mentions any real names, situations, or events, then we will probably get in trouble again.
After the Last Exposé, students wept following the removal of a pivotal article to The Cold Beak, and many believed we were done for good. These articles were meant as social commentary and should be taken as another way to look at Douglas events, for those of you who were deeply offended from the previous post, we are sorry and in exchange, we hope you accept our complimentary donut ring. Now on with the article:

This week brought in an unexpected addition to the eagles nest, new hand dryers. This addition to the MSD family is causing controversy among students. “Hand dryers are the least of our problems, where’s the Cold Beak or Papa John’s?” stated one nostalgic student. Another student commented with, “now, I can finally dry my hands before getting to the Freshman lot.” “I regret to inform you, but there is currently no plan to add new hand dryers, however if you could identify yourselves,” stated anonymous Douglas Marching Band official.
This is truly a stepping stone to keeping Douglas un-moistened.