Originally posted on September 3rd After snitching on three of his closest friends, one Douglas student was rewarded with two homecoming tickets, a private bus, and nine escorts. Douglas Security had this prepared statement: “The student, who wishes to remain anonymous, relayed very valuable information to us about dangerous individuals. This student therefore deserved some form of compensation”. The three students, who now attend Broward … Continue reading Snitches get riches

Originally posted on September 2nd Grave news came out of Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School this morning when one of the incoming Freshman Class members tripped and drowned in the School Aquatics center. The MSD swimming team is infuriated rather than mourning, claiming that “Why have we had to make the 5 mile trek to the Coral Springs Swim Center if we had a pool … Continue reading Freshmen drown in Douglas pool

Originally posted September 1st During Tuesday’s morning announcements , Principal Ty Thompson took 10 minutes out of class time to unveil a whole new plan to increase his already beyond positive Twitter ratio. @PrincipalMSD already has a followers to following ratio of approximately 21:1, and rising. As if recorded weekly calls, assemblies, morning/afternoon announcements, and billboards weren’t enough for this Douglas Great, starting in October, … Continue reading Thompson still thirsty for Twitter followers

Originally posted on August 31st Many students weep today for the loss of Erika. “She had such potential you know? Two days, three Days, I was up and ready to come back next Monday” commented one student. “She was suffering from tropical depression, it was only a matter of time” stated the school psychologist. “I’ve never been more disappointed, the whole county loved her” a … Continue reading Douglas mourns Erika’s passing

Originally posted on August 27th, 2015 A group of three juniors decided to drop out of Stoneman Douglas this week when they decided their grades were beyond saving. “I just couldn’t focus man- this one girl had her whole shoulder visible in my math class, that’s why I couldn’t do my variables” These accusations didn’t end there- “I usually got D’s in English but now, … Continue reading Three students drop out. Blame visibility of shoulders