Originally posted on September 10th, 2015.

In a recent Douglas press release, administration detailed a project that’s been under wraps for a couple years now: “We are excited to announce that in addition to the senior and junior parking lots, a brand new freshmen parking lot is being installed at Douglas!” Said head of Douglas’ Construction Board Jennifer Dale.

Freshmen were confused at the recent announcements, one quoting “My mom doesn’t even allow me to bike to school”. Some were overjoyed, such as freshman Johnathan Fraizer, who is known for being held back 3 times:“I finally have somewhere to park my Toyota Corolla”. When asked for comments, the Sophomore class was furious saying: “HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?? FIRST OFF, MOST FRESHMAN DON’T EVEN HAVE CARS! AND WHERE ARE WE GETTING THE FUNDING FOR THIS? OUR SECURITY CAMERAS AREN’T EVEN PLUGGED IN FOR GOD’S SAKES”. Students aren’t the only angry ones: “I’m more upset that some of these freshmen have better cars than us” commented a math teacher.

We extended our concerns over this new project to Principal Ty Thompson in an email and he replied soon after with one word: “lol”.