Originally posted on September 15th, 2015. Over the past century schools have become synonymous with restroom or hall passes. After intense research and many potty visits, the Cold Beak found a trail of counterfeit bathroom passes. “I told the school to secure the passes, they thought that a laniard and some laminated paper would do the trick. Boy were they wrong” said local plunger enthusiast … Continue reading VIP bathroom passes sold across Douglas’ black market

Originally posted on September 11th, 2015 With public hatred growing from the School Board of Broward County’s decision to switch away from the original Pinnacle Gradebook to a new Microsoft based internet Gradebook, SBBC announced today that they will introduce a THIRD internet gradebook to replace the faulty current one.Superindentent of SBBC states that “We believe that we’ve made mistakes in the past, but we … Continue reading SBBC introduces Gradebook 3.0

Originally posted on September 8th, 2015 After a complaint of a fowl smell, Stoneman Douglas janitors found a student that has been locked in the bathroom of the foreign language building. This student (who does not want to be named) was set to graduate in May 1994 but was locked in the lavatory during a Senior prank earlier that year. He shared his story with … Continue reading Student locked in school bathroom for over 20 years

Originally posted on September 3rd After snitching on three of his closest friends, one Douglas student was rewarded with two homecoming tickets, a private bus, and nine escorts. Douglas Security had this prepared statement: “The student, who wishes to remain anonymous, relayed very valuable information to us about dangerous individuals. This student therefore deserved some form of compensation”. The three students, who now attend Broward … Continue reading Snitches get riches

Originally posted on September 2nd Grave news came out of Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School this morning when one of the incoming Freshman Class members tripped and drowned in the School Aquatics center. The MSD swimming team is infuriated rather than mourning, claiming that “Why have we had to make the 5 mile trek to the Coral Springs Swim Center if we had a pool … Continue reading Freshmen drown in Douglas pool

Originally posted September 1st During Tuesday’s morning announcements , Principal Ty Thompson took 10 minutes out of class time to unveil a whole new plan to increase his already beyond positive Twitter ratio. @PrincipalMSD already has a followers to following ratio of approximately 21:1, and rising. As if recorded weekly calls, assemblies, morning/afternoon announcements, and billboards weren’t enough for this Douglas Great, starting in October, … Continue reading Thompson still thirsty for Twitter followers

Originally posted on August 31st Many students weep today for the loss of Erika. “She had such potential you know? Two days, three Days, I was up and ready to come back next Monday” commented one student. “She was suffering from tropical depression, it was only a matter of time” stated the school psychologist. “I’ve never been more disappointed, the whole county loved her” a … Continue reading Douglas mourns Erika’s passing